So have you had The talk yet? The one with your kids about The Birds and the Bees?
It is by no means an easy thought or a walk in the park to approach. In fact the thought in its entirety makes me want to curl up onto a little ball and hide somewhere until someone else has done it. Ok, THERE! I said it, I am a wuss and I am not ready for this.
Actually what I want to say in this post is that this topic is something really important to get into from a really early age, even before your kids reach primary school level. Don’t leave it or you will have your hands full and be faced with the ugly reality that you should have done it sooner. Face it, it is not going to go away and it needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
I have 3 children, the eldest a girl being 9 and a bit. Thing is 9 year old’s of today are a whole lot different to when I was that age. I realised this one day by way of a nice level slap in the face when after one of her friend’s Birthday sleepovers, (Thank goodness only my best friends daughter) Cindy, that’s my best friend, hit me with the question right square between the eyes “So did you know our girls are already talking about Oral sex at school?” WHOA stop the Bus I really want to get off!
“Come again I said?” She explained that at the party all the girls had been giggling about this new idea they had heard of when some kid, had made the inappropriate choice of trying to incorrectly explain the act to them and then they subsequently made up their minds themselves as to what that all meant. We are still not sure what the situation of that child was, and he was handled appropriately by his teachers, for obviously there were some things that needed sorting out and talking through with his parents. But getting back to the topic though, we realized we had a problem, in that we had allowed a random kid at school to dish out very wrong information to our daughter’s, because we had left it too late to have a proper discussion ourselves with them, and now our job was to go back and fix the mess. We were also really shocked that this was already the run of the mill kind of topic grade 3 kids are being faced with. I say Bring me those Stickeez, as annoying as it is having 3 kids who want them they are just so much more appropriate and so much more like what my sensitive mommy brain can handle without needing to verbalize and discuss the act of fellatio to my 9-year-old.
“Come again I said?”
Luckily Cindy and I both have very open relationships with our daughters and they know that they can come and talk to us about anything and we will give them the most honest and open answers. Since then we have sat with them and helped them understand that it would be so much better for them to come to us with things they had heard at school that they were unsure of or that sounded strange instead of relying on a whole broken telephone system of getting information about something.
I myself have already had the “Where do babies come from?” and menstruation talk with her and not so very long ago she started with growing pains in her breasts and off we went to buy a bra so we have had the entire puberty talk too. I am still left facing the talk with her about all the changes a boy goes through but I have found some great resources I plan on using for that. And also it helped a lot that both my husband and I make a habit of calling private parts by their actual names. That is really a very important thing to do, that way there is no confusion later.
Don’t underestimate the power of books that can do the talking for you if you are really just not sure how to approach it. I can remember when I was a pre-teen and my own mother had not been talking to me about “growing up” how but just knew I would come right in the public library and I did. I was too embarrassed to check the book out and take it home so I sat on the floor of the library for weeks after school devouring the pages of a book I found in the teen section. THAT people right there is how I got my sex education and in those days there was nothing about Oral sex in those books let me tell you!
So I thought I would share some of the resources I had come across online that I have checked out and considered getting for when the questions get tougher and also for my younger kids I plan on starting a whole lot earlier with them, so that the same doesn’t end up happening. I have added the descriptions for each book for you as I found them on Amazon.
The first two books are the ones I chose to get for us first. They are really well thought out and I loved that I was able to preview them inside before buying so I knew what I was going to be getting.
This was my Favorite one that I think it is the most age appropriate to start with called “It’s Not the Stork”, This is the one I chose to get for us first. If you would like to see a preview of the Book Click here it is availble to buy locally on Takealot for R168 for the print and is also in an e-book format.
Available on Takealot for R333
Available on Takealot for R153
These books are really great and will open up a wealth of very difficult topics to discuss but they really will make the process so much easier for you. Kids also really like pictures, it helps them to see a lot clearer. So don’t wait like I did. Do the talk or at least some of it as early as possible. You will be surprised at how much they really can take in from a very young age and that way you will equip them with the correct information before someone else comes a long and give them the completely wrong idea. From a safety perspective it is also a really good idea to give kids the tools to deal with bad situations too so think about that when you are having your talk.